Let’s just say it pains me to even spend a second of my life writing about this film, but it’s still in theatres and people are still wasting their money on it, so let me save you the trouble: don’t.
The first “Resident Evil” film was released 10 years ago. Based on the video game of the same name, the film apparently did a good job of playing to fans of the games, as well as newcomers. In fact, it did well enough to warrant four sequels. Having never seen the previous Resident Evil movies, I was willing to give this one, the fifth in the franchise, its fair chance. Sure enough “Resident Evil: Retribution” starts out okay enough. In fact, I literally muttered the words “this is pretty cool” somewhere in the first five minutes of watching. Which is pretty much where decent story-telling ends and the movie begins to spiral wildly out of control.
If you’re still not sold that this movie is an utter waste of your time, allow me to further explain. The movie begins literally where the last left off. Alice (Milla Jovovich) and her allies are stranded on the Arcadia tanker with an Umbrella strike force ready to attack. After an explosive shootout (this was the cool first five minutes of the movie), Alice is taken hostage by the Umbrella Corporation and moved into a secret facility where she’s interrogated by her former friend Jill Valentine (Sienna Guillory), who’s under the control of the unstoppable super computer, the Red Queen. Thus Alice must be rescued. Side note: I’m seriously getting a headache just trying to remember the details of this awful film.
Wholly style-over-substance, Retribution’s plot (if you can even call it that) is merely an excuse to move characters from one action sequence to the next. Horribly choppy and derailed by some horrible performances, this film is not made for those not already franchise or video-game fans.
The verdict: In case you’ve missed my point, do not waste your time with this movie. It’s awful. Beyond awful. That said, I’m told video-game and franchise lovers didn’t hate this film the way I did, but if you’re neither of those – seriously, don’t bother.
Opened: September 14, 2012
Director: Paul W.S. Anderson
Starring: Milla Jovovich, Sienna Guillory and Michelle Rodriguez