The book 8 Weeks to Everlasting by adorable New York City based Amy Laurent is a book that offers tips that every women should already know, and that are just plain common sense. The problem is most people often forget how to act after the throes of new love or lust, or meeting someone they really like a lot. This book is a great refresher to keep yourself in check if you feel like you are starting to act ridiculous or crazy or find yourself over-analyzing everything in the first few weeks of meeting someone new.
Amy Laurent, professional matchmaker and star of the Bravo reality show “Miss Advised,” shares with us how to get and keep the guy you want in the first eight weeks. She shows women how to be in charge since your behavior sets the tone of a new relationship.
Tips she includes are how to stay out of the texting trap. I have to say after dating several younger guys, it is easy to text and have a relationship built on texting, when a guy should be calling you to hear your voice and get to know you better and figure out when he can get to see you. I have turned into a guy in the last few years by answering calls with texts. I realize after the relationship I am in now how important it was for my boyfriend in the beginning to reach out to me daily via a phone call and for me to actually want to answer that call. It meant he couldn’t wait to talk to me and he wasn’t hiding behind his texts. Set the behavior in the beginning and don’t fall into the texting girl.
Amy also shares how to establish an exclusive relationship, which is not by crying, threatening, or giving ultimatums. That will never work! However, I have seen friends in this same scary situation thinking that their pleas will make the guy want to be with them, which in turn, makes them more scared and less unsure. Women are in charge and we ultimately set the tone for the kind of relationship we are going to be in, so don’t ruin a good thing by acting crazy. Much harder said than done.
Also, I like how Amy gives tips on building a lasting friendship and relationship, not the end-all be-all wedding that many girls rush into because they think it is the right thing to do. Take time to get to know you partner to see if they are a good fit. Amy reminds us of what sets the daters from the non-daters – not money, looks, fame, personality, but how YOU behave. The guy should be making most of the major decisions in the first 8 weeks. This not only shows that he is interested, but that he is willing to do the work. Let him initiate. It is easy to slide when you like someone so much, but let them do most of the work in the beginning. There will only be one beginning.
This book is about getting the guy you want and not wasting time on men that are not right for you. It will also help you get your current relationship back on track, if you need a reset button. You should always be thinking, Amy suggests, “Is this guy treating me the way I deserve to be treated?”
“You can have real and everlasting love (no trademark!) as long as you’re sensible and strategic – as long as you don’t buy into the fairy-tale dream made up by marketers. Because creating a real relationship is not a matter of being struck by Cupid’s arrow and finding The One. Everlasting love is a goal, and it should be treated like one.” (Pg. 3)
“As the author Milan Kundera once wrote, ‘Every love relationship is based upon unwritten conventions rashly agreed upon by the lovers during the first weeks of their love. On the one hand, they are living a sort of dream; on the other, they are drawing up the fine print of their contracts like the most hard-nosed of lawyers.’” (Pg. 7)
Creating a list is a tool she recommends to help you decide what the most important qualities you want in a partner really are. Come up with 8-10 really important things. You may realize the most important qualities are who your partner is on the inside. Amy advises to take out the list from time to time as a guide whenever you are dating someone new. Later in the book, Amy informs us how your list may change or need to be revised after dating someone or your expectations may have to change.
On not having sex right away: “Because a guy has to bond emotionally before he has sex, or he won’t be interested in bonding at all. For us women, we emotionally bond WHEN we have sex. So what happens after a one night stand? The guy is ready to move on, and you are ready to move in.” (Pg. 39)
Don’t become friends on Facebook (in the first 8 weeks) she cautions. I have to agree with this one unless, like me, you enter a relationship with a guy you have been friends with for a year. Since you may still be dating many people, I don’t think it is smart to have all of your potential suitors on your Facebook. I would keep it private, until you are exclusive. Also, becoming friends with the guy on Facebook may drive you mad because you can see what he is up to constantly if he is a frequent poster. Often, guys and girls read into Facebook photos and comments more and the actual meaning can be interpreted wrong.
Throughout the book, Amy shares her own personal stories and mishaps as well as her clients’ woeful tales of what worked and what did not via conversations and emails she has had with them. This book would make a perfect gift for a single girlfriend who needs to double check how she is behaving in her dating life.
“Rein him in, but hold the reins!” summarizes this book perfectly.
Watch Amy every week on the hit Bravo show “Miss Advised,” where you can see if Amy follows her own dating rules. Amy Laurent’s latest assignment is Celebrity Relationship Expert for MTV News and she will be hosting a web series for iVillage called, “Love and Sex with Amy Laurent.” She also blogs for the Huffington Post and appears regularly on “Fox News Strategy Room” as a celebrity relationship and dating advice expert.
To learn more about Amy Laurent and how she can help you with your dating life, visit her website.