Dear Miss A,
I am in a long-distance relationship (me: DC, he: Detroit) with a guy I met at my friend’s wedding 4 months ago. We have a great time when we’re together, but we only see each other about once a month. Talking on the phone gets tiring especially because I travel a lot for work. We are pretty much at an “exclusive” stage at this point (not dating others). He has no plans to leave Michigan & I certainly don’t want to leave my job any time soon. My question is: how do you really know whether to stay together when you’re so far apart? Especially when I would love to find the person I am going to be with for the long haul & start a family before I’m “at risk”….
How do I know how long to give it to find out if this guy’s a keeper? At this point I feel like it’s “cut it off” vs. keep things going at a verrrrry slow pace because we only see each other once a month.
It is very hard to evaluate a long distance relationship. You can never know if the relationship thrives due to the fact that it is long distance. Neither you nor your boyfriend have any interest in moving, so it’s clear that your jobs or preference for your location takes a priority to the relationship. This in itself would say a great deal if you had been doing the long distance thing for a year or so. If you are already tired of talking with him by phone and questioning the relationship after four months, then I am not sure you are cut out for this type of relationship. Rather than cut things off with someone who has potential, I think that you shouldn’t have rushed into making your relationship exclusive. I don’t think it’s fair to either of you to be exclusive when you see each other so infrequently, and are both committed to your location and careers. If you want to get married and have children, there is no sense putting all your eggs in one basket, so to speak. I’m not sure that you will be able to go back to seeing other people without damaging this budding romance, but I think it’s what you need to do.
Good luck and email me and let me know how things develop!
– Miss A