My roommate has had a crush on one of my guy friends for a few years, and they made out at a bar a couple of times, but never hooked up. This guy was my friend first. We went to college together and were always just friends. This past summer, we went in on a beach house together with a bunch of other friends, and as the summer progressed, we ended up hooking up a couple of times. My roommate works on weekends so she wasn’t with us at the beach, and doesn’t know about what’s been going on. I guess I feel guilty and I don’t know how to tell her, but it’s awkward when she talks about him. Am I a bad friend for hooking up with him? He’s asked me to hang out a couple of times this fall, and it’s getting hard to keep this a secret from my roommate. What should I do?
Dear Summer Secret,
Thank you so much for writing in with this question. It’s a given that guys your friends have dated or slept with are off limits according to “Girl Code”. The Code is less clear when it comes to current crushes, and guys with whom a friend has made out. The matter is further complicated since you are roommates. Since he’s your friend from college and you are close with him, I would have said that you had dibs on him, but you must not have been interested in him, and gave your roommate tacit approval to crush on your friend. Once this approval was granted, I feel like she had a claim on him. Perhaps, it wasn’t until you saw your guy friend showing interest in your roommate that you had regrets.
You definitely need to sit your roommate down, and tell her what happened over the summer, and that you and this guy are starting to see each other. She will eventually find out, and you need to go ahead and get this talk over with. It’s going to be awkward, though. Thankfully, your roommate didn’t date or sleep with this guy, and you do have the the fact that you and the guy were old friends first, but I’ll be honest, you’re headed for some drama, if not a full blown cat fight.
Good luck, and keep me posted on how this goes!
– Miss A