Dear Miss A,
I am writing to you for advice, because I’m not sure what to do, and can’t really talk with anyone about my situation. I got engaged a couple of weeks ago to a really great guy who I’ve been dating for three years. I’m very excited and have already been planning the wedding for next summer. The problem is I’m having some doubts. You see, I cheated on my now fiancé with a guy from work over two years ago when his girlfriend and my boyfriend were both out of town. I had the best sex of my life. He gave me four orgasms in the span of one night. I have to fake orgasms with my fiancé. After we hooked up, he asked, “So what are we going to do about this?” He said he’d break up with his girlfriend if I broke up with my boyfriend. I’ve never broken up with anyone. My last boyfriend cheated on me numerous times, but I couldn’t even break up with him. I don’t know I just always want to make it work, and hate confrontation. The cheater ended up breaking up with me! Needless to say, I never broke up with my boyfriend (now my fiancé).
This coworker and I go to lunch once a week, and talk a lot throughout the day. We’ve never hooked up again, but really get along well, and he’s always been into me. Last week over lunch, he told me that he and his girlfriend broke up. If I was single, I’d totally date him. This seems like really bad timing. I’ve never told my fiancé because I didn’t want to hurt him, and feel like keeping this to myself and dealing with the guilt will be my punishment. I’m not sure what to do. I would hate to throw away my shot at marriage with a great guy for a relationship with the guy from work that might get serious. I’ve been living with my fiancé for a year, and our lives are already so intertwined. What should I do?
They say the first marriage is for love, second is for sex and third is for money. Clearly, you aren’t marrying for love or sex with your current fiancé. If you are having to fake orgasms with him that is a really bad sign, and not the sort of sex life for which you should settle. I don’t think there’s much love there, as you wouldn’t have cheated on him. I can only guess that you are with him for money. You mention that your lives are “already so intertwined” and that you are living together. If I read between the lines, I would guess that he may be paying for your housing and things, and that you’ve grown quite accustom to this new lifestyle. You have probably become a prisoner of your own materialism and greed. If you had the financial wherewithal, you’d be able to dump this fiancé who isn’t getting it done in the sheets and move on with Mr. Four Times.
It’s obvious that you and your co-worker have a friendship and great sex, and that is a great foundation for a relationship. So many women are trapped in loveless, sexless marriages due to financial reasons. Don’t become one of them! Put on your big girl panties, dump the fiancé, move out on your own, and get on with your life…..and Mr. Four Times, girl! Even if your relationship with Mr. Four Times doesn’t lead to marriage, you’ll be better off. Don’t get married for the sake of being married. Marriage isn’t the be-all-end-all. Marriage is like life — it’s a journey, a process. If you aren’t on that journey with someone you love and enjoy a great sex life, then it’s not going to be much of a trip!
– Miss A