April 8th, 2010 
Cary Grant and Grace Kelly in "To Catch a Thief"
Metrosexual was first added to our lexicon in 1994 when Mark Simpson told readers of The Independent that these single men had “high disposable income, living or working in the city (because that’s where all the best shops are), is perhaps the most promising consumer market of the decade. In the Eighties he was only to be found inside fashion magazines such as GQ, in television advertisements for Levis jeans or in gay bars. In the Nineties, he’s everywhere and he’s going shopping.” Perhaps the pendulum swung too far to the left, or maybe the current economy has changed men’s priorities, but it appears that Metrosexual is out, and Retrosexual is in.
Just as women in the 1970′s and 1980′s seemed to take on aspects of masculinity after the Sexual Revolution, men seemed to try to meet women in the middle by taking on too much femininity in the 1990′s and 2000′s. It’s like both sexes were having a gender identity crisis due to the relatively new sexual equality, and it’s taken several decades to sort itself out.
The popular TV show ”Mad Men” is leading this new “Menaissance”. According to the Philadelphia Inquirer’s ”Manning Up” article, a retrosexual man looks to icons of masculinity such as “Cary Grant, Teddy Roosevelt, or Ernest Hemingway.” These men “want to hold doors open and pay for dates without worries of chauvinism, even as they split the kitchen duties.” According to Dave Besley, author of “The Retrosexual Manual: How to Be a Real Man” , a retrosexual is ”the opposite of a namby-pamby metrosexual—those contemporary men who are unsure if she’s a girl, woman, lady, or a Ms.; who mince along to book clubs trying to score a quiet reader who’s a screamer in the sack; and who are tongue-tied when handed it on a plate.” Besley goes on to say that a “woman wants is a real man—the hairier, louder, and more dominant the better.” I like the sound of all this!
I love gay men, but like my man to be a manly. That said, the definition of “manly” depends on the individual man and what a particular woman is looking for. Although, I have never liked men who have more products in their bathroom than I have, or who ask me how they look as they preen in the mirror before we head out the door, I also don’t want a flannel shirt and work boots ”meat and potatoes” guy. I appreciate intelligence, wit, decisiveness and sophistication, among other things. But then, maybe I’m a retrosexual female who 
according to Urban Dictionary.com ”eschews the sexual-revolution plank of feminism in favor of more-traditional values. Perhaps even 1950s values (this is not to say she goes as far as the cone-bra). A little burlesque, a little Betty Crocker, the retrosexual woman has new-fangled spunk and old-fashioned values: she does for abstinence and monogamy what Slang Flashcards do for Dover illustrations. She may be, well, Sexless in the City, but only ’cause she chooses to be.”
Although, I’m thankful to have a great man in my life and no longer be “Sexless in the City”, it’s true that I have old-fashioned values and would rather practice abstinence than be in a sexual relationship that isn’t right for me. I may be somewhat retrosexual, but I’m also a very strong Alpha female, which is something some men may not find “feminine”. And I WOULD actually go as far as the cone-bra –if not even further. In fact, I will have to talk with Sylene of Washington, and maybe I’ll be the one to bring them back.
Having said all this, I do think that the jargon that comes out every decade or so is a bunch of marketing hype. A real man doesn’t rely on trends. He knows who he is, and knows that it’s not the straight-razor shave or the hair gel that make the man. I think we all have our own unique version of masculinity or femininity. Read this great piece by Aaron Traister of Slate.com
- Miss A
