Miss A Columnist

Mike Carson is an interactive media producer, artist, and writer located in the Washington, DC metro area. Mr Carson is the owner of Mike Carson Creative.

As Guy Friday, Mike dishes out advice, recommendations, and views — all with a twist of sass and a generous dose of bitchiness! Mike pulls no punches, spares no feelings, and isn't afraid to "go there" on any and all topics.

You can contact Mike at mcarson@mikecarsoncreative.com and follow him on Twitter @MikeInTheCity.

Just in Time for Valentine’s Day: Roxxxy the Sexbot!

This weekend is Valentine’s Day, and while many couples will be celebrating the “most romantic holiday of the year” thousands of singletons will be left to their own devices in way of getting through the holiday. For most this solo occupation isn’t too much of a problem but for others, being alone on a holiday like Valentine’s Day can be damaging to personal morale.

Stills from True Companion's website of Roxxxy along with examples of the creepy-types of men who'd be interested in her. FYI, the man in the image on the bottom is Roxxxy's co-creator Douglas Hines.

Stills from True Companion's website of Roxxxy along with examples of the creepy-types of men who'd be interested in her. FYI, the man in the image on the bottom is Roxxxy's co-creator Douglas Hines.

Well that’s about to change. Last month True Companion, LLC unveiled their latest labor of love – Roxxxy TrueCompanion. What makes triple-X Roxxxy so special is that she is the world’s most advanced sex doll!  Given her credentials, one has to point out how clever her creators were to give her such a witty name spelling. Truly original!  But yes, thanks to Roxxxy, mentally unbalanced shut-ins and greasy Otaku without social skills need not fret anymore about spending another Saturday night alone. Roxxxy is here to save the lonely!

For those of you going, “but she’s just another Real Doll“, her creators at True Companion beg to differ.  Roxxxy is the next evolution of sex dolls! It’s not enough for Roxxxy to have the proportions of the average female porn star, and a highly realistic skin texture. No, she is a driven sexbot with ambition – Roxxxy can talk! As demonstrated by True Companion at the Adult Video Awards, Roxxxy responds to touch, uttering such Nobel Prize winning phrases like, “I love holding hands with you” when you touch her hand. Of course, if you touch any other part of Roxxxy’s body she starts moaning like an ally cat in heat, and can apparently simulate an orgasm.

True Companion says they added in the non-sexual responses as a way of making Roxxxy seem warmer and more human to her owner.  Yeah, because if you’re a creepy dude who is going to get it on with a sex doll, pre- and post-coital conversation is what you’re looking for! As an added bonus, owners of a Roxxxy can download different personalities for her so they can have a tailor made experience.  And by experience, I mean actually having something in their apartment that resembles a woman that they can sit next to and lie on top of.  All of this enable Roxxxy to achieve her goal of being, as the True Companion’s website states, “your loving friend”. 

real-doll-vs-roxxxy

Despite a Real Doll's (left) more realistic features, Roxxxy (right) boasts a more advanced artificial intelligence (AI).

Let’s look at what else Roxxxy can do: Nothing. Yes, Roxxxy talks the talk, but she can’t walk the walk. Actually she can’t walk at all, or move for that matter. She doesn’t event vibrate! Even Magic Moves Barbie could raise her arms when the switch on her back was flipped! I guess we shouldn’t expect too much of Roxxxy – we wouldn’t want her to strain her motherboard with too many complex functions after all.

True Companion says they are working on giving Roxxxy animatronic features for future models, as well as a password protection key, so that nobody can use your Roxxxy un-consensually –not that anyone would want to!  Even so, this is little consolation for those stupid enough to shell out $9000 for a 120 lb. immobile silicone sex doll who responds to touch, fakes orgasm, and comes with several tarty personalities. For a few hundred dollars they could pay a prostitute, and get the same experience with an actual human being!

julie-kavner-roxxxy

Roxxxy (left) and actress Julie Kavner (right) circa the 1970's. Do you see the resemblance?

By the way, is it my imagination, or does Roxxxy bear a frightening resemblance to Rhoda Morgentstern’s dowdy sister, Brenda (as played by Julie Kavner)?  Being a Rhoda devotee, I can tell you that Brenda was not getting much action on the show, and I doubt with those looks, the lack of articulation, and that price tag that Roxxxy won’t be seeing much action either.

When True Companion does manage to find a way to make Roxxxy move, I wonder how long it will be before she starts acting like the 33-S Sexaroid Boomers from Bubblegum Crisis or the Simulants from Bladerunner?  Lets hope that unlike the Sexaroids, Roxxxy won’t develop a taste for murdering her human companions at the height of orgasm ala a female praying mantis.  Just remember, if you see Roxxxy walking down the street wearing lingerie and a trench coat, run the other way!  The Phantom Lady was a great piece of science fiction, but let’s not try and make it one of reality.

And for those of you sex doll shoppers of the male craving variety, don’t feel too left in the cold by Roxxxy.  True Companion has announced they are creating a male counterpart to Roxxxy called Rocky (again with the inventive naming conventions). Their target audience for Rocky is Gay men, and they even have Gay men serving as experts in his creation.  Even though Rocky is “all about the boys” I’m sure he will also be adaptable for the ladies. Though what ladies would be interested in getting down with Rocky, I shudder to consider. I can understand this level of grossness out of men, but not women.

It’s one thing to use sex toys like vibrators or the Fleshlight for personal pleasure, but the entire idea of having sex with a humanoid robot is really creepy and disgusting. While some men might go for Roxxxy, I think most will stick to real women — until these sex dolls become more realistic and mobile that is.  I guess if a man feels the need to step out on his lover, better he do it with 120 lbs of silicone and circuitry than a flesh and blood floozy.

~ Guy Friday

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