I’ve been in this relationship for a little over 8 years. We’ve never talked about marriage. I did not want to push it. We are ok financially. We live as a couple and the only account we have is a joint account. Which means my money is his money and his money is my money. We have had our ups and downs in our relationship, but we are getting past them. Recently, he suggested marriage. He stated he can’t buy the ring as a supprise because I’ll notice the dent in our account so he suggested we both go together. Is this an ok thing to do or should i let him go alone?
Ready to get my ring
Dear Ready to get my ring,
I am shocked that you all have been a relationship for 8 years, and marriage hasn’t come up. I’m shocked that it didn’t come up when you decided to move in together, or when you decided to open up a joint bank account. This is a true testament to your patience, and perhaps indecisiveness. Even though it has taken your boyfriend a very long time, it’s a good sign that he was the one to bring up marriage and getting you an engagement ring. As your finances are enmeshed with his, you may want to discuss a budget for your ring with him. It’s your call as to whether you go with him, and pick out the engagement ring that you want, or if you leave this up to him. Clearly, you all haven’t had a traditional romance, so I don’t think you need to have a traditional engagement, unless that is what you want.
I lived with my college sweetheart for a year with the decision that we would either get engaged after a year, or move on. He brought up marriage before our college graduation, but I felt we were too young and needed more time. After living together for a year, he proposed and we went to look at diamonds together. I had some experience with diamonds, as I had shopped with my mother in Amsterdam for diamonds growing up. I helped select the diamond and designed the setting myself. I loved it, because I got exactly what I wanted. You can help shop for the ring, and your boyfriend can still surprise you with the timing of when you get it and see the ring completed.
Now the second time I got engaged — six years ago, I was completely surprised. My ex-fiance did a fabulous job picking out the ring. It was huge and I was overwhelmed. I still miss that ring. But in truth, if it’s the right guy, the ring doesn’t matter. I would have accepted an engagement with a CZ from either of these men, but these men would have never thought to propose with a CZ.
Most men, especially 22 year old men, don’t know anything about diamonds. They can “get smart on diamonds” by reading up on the subject, but if you feel strongly about what you want, there is nothing wrong with getting involved. It sounds like your boyfriend is your best friend, which is what I had in my relationship. It sounds like he’d love your help and insight into what you want.
Congratulations! Please stay in touch and let me know how it all goes.