Icing on the Sham of a Wedding Cake
31. Dec, 2009 
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Dear Miss A,
I need your advice! You see, a friend of mine from high school, who lives in my hometown in Ohio, asked me to serve as Maid of Honor in her June 2010 wedding. While I was honored to have been asked for the position, I knew the financial obligations surrounding the position (travel to Ohio from DC, missed work, dresses, gifts, showers, etc.). I was willing to accept these things for my friend on her special day. Well, as time has progressed, my friend has cheated on her fiance on numerous occasions, and often brags about the numerous guys texting her, asking her to hook up with them. I do not support this kind of behavior, and I do not want to be MOH for a sham wedding. I could understand if this was a one-time slip up, but her liaisons continued for months, and over Christmas, a friend of mine from high school noted that he has seen her out at least 3-4 times on weekends sans her ring. She has yet to publicly announce her engagement, nor does she have any note of it on her facebook account (no relationship status, no engagement ring pics, not even 1 picture of her fiance). Plus, I have never even met her fiance, nor have any of our other friends from home. All of this is rather shocking, considering this girl was rather shy growing up, and did not receive a plethora of male attention. Whenever I call her, she NEVER answers the phone, and when she calls me back, she never wants to talk wedding stuff, just about who she saw at what bar. To make a long story short, what would you suggest I do in this situation? I would love to sit down with her and talk things out, but over Christmas she did not return my phone calls. I do not go home that often due to my 9-5 work schedule with limited vacation time, so it hurts that she couldn’t spare five minutes to see me. I am honestly afraid I will put down money on a bridesmaid dress and buy a plane ticket for a wedding that will not happen.
Thanks,
Reluctant MOH
Dear Reluctant MOH,
Thank you so much for asking Miss A! Your friend’s behavior is appalling! Not only how she is treating her fiance, but how she has been treating you! It is completely understandable that you would not want to bear the expense, burden and awkwardness of being her Maid of Honor. I think it’s great that you have morals and principles, and think you should stand by them and not be a part of this “sham wedding”. So many people don’t have a backbone these days.
I suggest you call her. Granted she probably won’t answer the phone, but when she calls you back you should tell her you need to talk and explain to her that you no longer feel comfortable fulfilling your Maid of Honor responsibilities. I think you should be honest about how you feel, but I’d leave out any information that you’ve gathered from other people, as you need to base this on facts rather than what may be gossip or exageration. I think the fact that your friendship has deteriorated and the risk that the wedding may not happen as it hasn’t even been announced and she isn’t talking about wedding plans are reason enough. She’s clearly not into her fiance, as she isn’t actively planning their wedding or even willing to talk about it or make it public. Her cheating which is more of a symptom of a bad relationship — rather than the cause — is just the icing on the sham wedding cake!
I wish you the best with this, and a wonderful 2010! Please write back and let us know how this plays out! I’m curious as to how she’ll respond to your talk, and if the wedding will ever happen!
- Miss A
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