Monogamy: All or Nothing?
07. Dec, 2009 
3 Comments
Elin Nordegren Woods
Take a look at this article by Ian Daly in the December issue of Details Magazine, “Everyone Else is Cheating—So Why Aren’t You? How Americans are learning monogamy is a myth”.
So….now that Tiger cheated and he’s a “good guy” that must mean monogamy is impossible? Monogamy must be a myth if good old Tiger
Jenny Sanford, wife of South Carolina Gov. Mark Sanford
can’t do it, because he’s an amazing athlete, businessman, and a “good guy”? How convenient for Tiger! I’m not saying monogamy is easy, or relationships are easy, but I’ve experienced monogamy, and it’s not a myth, but it also didn’t last forever.
Having been in a relationship for almost a decade with the same person, I can also tell you that the giddy passion and “head over heels” in love feeling fades to a comfortable, secure love. Sometimes comfort, security and love aren’t enough, and we long for the giddy passion and anticipation of the unknown that we experience when we fall in love.
I don’t think that you can have both. I think you have to choose. I know I still look back and question the decision I made to leave my marriage. I wonder if it was the right decision. I am much more fulfilled in my life now, but I do miss the security, comfort and love that I enjoyed in my marriage. It’s a shame that we have to choose, but I really think we have to. If we want the security and comfort of a lifelong marriage, we have to choose that DAILY. In today’s world, we want it all, so it’s not surprising that those like Tiger who are used to having it all, want their comfortable, secure love at home, and the passion and anticipation on the side with a mistress, or five.
I have always found it interesting that in our society, it’s all or nothing. You never see a man propose fidelity to a woman for 5 years, or 15 years. It’s always “until death do us part”–a lifetime. Why is that? Is it because promising 5 years or 15 years makes it much more concrete and real? Isn’t a lifetime incomprehensible, and a bit more than we’re capable of promising? I mean, what if you had to eat one type of food for a lifetime? Or work for one employer
Ashley Dupre, Eliot Spitzer's Mistress
for a lifetime? Or live in one house for a lifetime? Or drive one car for a lifetime? We would NEVER make those types of commitments, so how can we promise fidelity so easily? Why does it have to be forever? Why not 5 years? Honestly, as I get older, a 5 year or 10 year commitment doesn’t sound that bad. I’m not looking to raise a child with someone at my age, so why not! Another committment could always be drawn up after a 5 or 10 year commitment, and who knows we might be ready to part ways at that point anyhow.
Now of course, I’m being facetious, but it’s something to think about. Whether we promise fidelity for a 10 years, or just happen to get divorced after 10 years, we’re getting the same thing. Maybe we should just be more honest about what we are able to promise. Please comment and share your thoughts with me.
- Miss A
Andrea Rodgers has been in Washington for over a decade, and is well-known for giving back to the local community. She has co-founded three major fundraisers - Blondes vs. Brunettes in 2005, The Courage Cup where she serves as President in 2006, and Fashion for Paws in 2007. In September 2008, Andrea launched two businesses — AskMissA.com, and Socialite Marketing, a full-service boutique marketing firm that provides businesses and brands with social media, public relations, marketing, and event planning services. She attended boarding school at Salem Academy, and graduated from Wake Forest University with a double major in Economics and Politics. Rodgers was recently hand picked by Vogue magazine to be a founding member of The Vogue 100, an organization "of influential decision makers and opinion leaders known for their distinctive taste in fashion and culture, [and who] personify the rising influence of women over the past several decades."
I have been married for over a year, and i have been with my husband for seven. I think because we are so used to things be convient and easy, we forget marrriage is work and sometimes its ALOT of work. I didnt sign up for a few good years, i do want the forever. When it even comes to thinking about stepping outside of a commitment, i think pepople need to realize its a physical thing most times. Once the deed is done thats it, why do you think no one ever really leaves their partner. They dont necessilary want a relationship of that kind. Now i do understand sometimes they are more factors that casue cheating. Maybe its emotionally, or not around all the time, or whatever. We have to remember what it was that got is here in the first place. Obvisously they was a connection that made you want a strong commitment. We have gotten so lazy, that we have forgotten to take time and work on relationships. Dont just give up when things get hard, do what you said you were goin to do. What happend to the time when divorce was never an option, well its not an option for us. We work had every day togther, and we fight and get mad, and maybe not like each other, but divorce no ill stick it out.
Yikes. This is an eye-opening article. And I, being a dreamer, think it’s scary. But I see that it makes sense. The truth isn’t always pretty!
Hey great blog post, I will definitely share this with my friends. We were just talking about this the other day.