Facebook’s Implication on Relationships

Dear Facebook Friend,

Thank you so much for sending me your question. I really enjoyed reading your thoughts on Facebook. There are many people who have never known a time when they didn’t relate to their friends via Facebook, such as my 22-year old assistant. Her graduating class from college, was the first to use it all throughout college. It was even the focus of one of her college orientation sessions. Then, there are those of us who went through high school and college without even a cell phone or personal computer. We made friendships differently, and had to work harder to connect with people and to learn things about them. It took more time to get to know someone intimately.

“Miss A” the moniker was born out of social networking and my Socialite Marketing business helps clients to use social networking to help their business, so I obviously see a great deal of positives in social networking sites, but have also experienced the negative side of social networking more than most people, too. Interestingly, that while I was often attacked on Late Night Shots anonymously, I have also been attacked openly on my Facebook page. I believe it was this week that a man decided to attack the person rather than the idea, and resorted to calling me a “blonde twit”.  So yes, I do think we act differently on Facebook than we would face-to-face. I doubt the guy would have had to gumption to say that directly to me. I’m shocked at how much time some people spend debating ideas on my Facebook page as the result of something I tweet, posted or pinged, but it’s entertaining to read. I read that the time we “waste” on social networking sites is taken from the time we used to waste watching television. So rather than wasting more time, we are wasting the same amount.

As to your question about handling exposure, you should always keep safety in mind and be careful with your personal information, contact information and photos you share with strangers. How much to expose is also dependent on how thick-skinned you are, and whether you need for everyone to like you. I do not have that need. My skin has gotten so thick that not much fazes me at this point.

Having to have everyone like you, is where that “front” that you mentioned comes in to play. There are a lot of people who want to sound constantly happy, perfect, or cool to keep up an image. Others want to brag about accomplishments, celebrities they are with, being at high-end locations, etc. I think we are all guilty of some Face-bragging, but we should mix it up and not always be that person. And it’s ok not to be happy, but you don’t always want to be Debbie Downer. CNN wrote a great piece on the 12 Most Annoying Types of Facebookers. I think I’m a mixture of a couple of these – Friend Padder, Self-Promoter, and the Chronic Inviter. But in fairness, it goes with the work I do for a living.

I remember taking either the Myers-Briggs (I’m an ENTJ) or perhaps a Cosmo quiz, and learning that I was one of those people who rather have a lot of acquaintances than a few close friends. Others prefer or are naturally inclined to have more close friends but not a lot of acquaintances. I think Facebook naturally favors people like me who enjoy meeting new people, connecting people for business, housing search, job search. I think for those who rather have a few really close and deep friendships, it leave a lot to be desired. Our time is finite, so we either devote a great deal and create depth or we expand and touch more people. I think it’s dependent on our nature. So while our relationships may now be with more people yet not that deep, many of people have naturally had that preference for centuries, so this isn’t new.

As for how to be on Facebook, I am not sure what advice to give. I am online a great deal as my work is dependent on it, but I’m not one to send the happy birthday cake or other items to friends. Am I offending my friends who send me these things because I don’t reciprocate? Possibly. I wouldn’t judge a friend on how many Facebook gifts they send, or how often they post on your page. I know I have reconnected with lots of long lost friends through Facebook. Whether we message all the time, or not, I know that if we lived in the same city we’d pick right up where we left off. Real friends have been through good times and bad with you, and have shared special times in your life. I agree that some Facebook friends are just “a picture on your list”, but I hope you don’t base that on Facebook interaction.

I know that I did ping something last week that one friend saw, and another heard about. I took it down, as soon as I realized it was offensive. I hadn’t meant it in a bad way, but they were offended nevertheless. For those of us who talk without thinking, tweeting can be dangerous as it can be seen by so many people. So a foot-in-the-mouth moment can really snowball!

It’s late and I may be rambling, but these are only some of my thoughts on Facebook. We haven’t even delved into the dating side of Facebook relationships. There is so much to write about this.

- Miss A