Dating a Sex Offender

Dear Miss A,

I need your help! This past weekend my friend did a random google search on a guy she has been “dating” for about 4 months now and she found an article saying that he was suspended at work for child porn charges being brought against him. The trial is in 2010. There are over 20 charges (possession, distribution, etc.).

Now, my friend is one of those girls that search everything thing! She is the Wikipedia queen! So needless to say she starting searching him the day they started talking. She has always been a careful about the people she brings into her life because of the work she does and not to mention the people she loves. So she’s completely lost on why she didn’t find this before. She’s completely blown away by the entire thing. I tried talking to her about it and all she does is cry. She feels like she should have known.

The entire situation breaks my heart. He was the first guy she started seeing after her 6 year relationship ended and now she has this other guy that is interested in her and she wants nothing to do with him because of all of this. It’s not even the dating part….she has a history of sexual violence/abuse in her past so this is really going to take a toll on her. She is works in the legal field, so she has studied profiles, cases, etc. So wow! Let me not forget to mention that she has so many friends with little girls. She considers them her niece’s. They come to her house AND he almost watched one of the girls!

I apologize if I sound jumbled, but I just don’t know how to help her. Please help!

- Concerned Friend

Dear Concerned Friend,

Thank you so much for writing me. This just goes to show that you can never be too careful! Don’t ever feel guilty about googling someone you meet, or are interested in dating…particularly if you have young children or regularly have young children at your home.

I have learned so much in the past year about human trafficking, and how this is happening right here in our own country, and in our own neighborhoods, as organized crime is meeting the demand of all the sick, perverse men who are looking for underage girls for pornos and sex. We, as women, need to do more to stop the demand side by educating our sons, and helping them to realize that these are human beings — not sex objects. Their demand is ruining young girls’ lives.

In addition to human trafficking, there is all the sexual abuse that happens in the home by the girls’ father, stepfather, uncles and cousins. Women need to protect these young girls, and googling or checking the United States Department of Justice Dru Sjodin National Sex Offender Public Website are a great start.

As for what to do for your friend, just be supportive, and remind her how fortunate she was to have found out about this man before it was too late! Maybe getting involved in charities which help to protect young girls would give her a positive activity to help take her mind off her struggle to find a relationship. There are great human trafficking organizations like Polaris Project, Courtney’s House, Shared Hope International, FAIR Fund and Stop the Traffik. I have found that giving back to others can be very rewarding and help you see your problems as very minor. Perhaps she could do some pro bono law work for these organizations.

Good luck to you and your friend!

- Miss A