Family Engagement Ring

We are in our mid-30’s and not much interested in the big expensive affair, but he still wants to do it “right” by proposing to me and having a simple wedding.

On the flip side we do not want to delay our union because we are also trying to get pregnant.

I was thinking of asking my Mom for her modest engagement ring. It has not fit her in decades, but no doubt has a great deal of sentimental value to her.

I have no idea how she will feel about me asking her, and I will be completely OK if she says no, but I do not want to make her uncomfortable by putting her on the spot.

My question for you is… is it appropriate (etiquette-wise) for me to ask my Mom for her engagement ring, or is it the sort of thing that would have to be offered? If appropriate, how should I go about setting up that conversation?

Thanks in advance for your sound advice!

- CC in VA

Dear CC in VA,

Thank you so much for your question. Congratulations! It’s so great that you and your soon-to-be fiance have found each other! I think it’s fine for you to talk to your mother about the possibility of her letting you use her engagement ring. She is your mother, and you should be able to talk with her about anything. While I feel we should all be polite and respectful to our parents, I would hope that your relationship with your mother isn’t so formal as to require proper etiquette and protocol. I have a feeling her happiness about your upcoming wedding and a potential grandchild will trump any desire to hold on to her engagement ring. As sentimental as she is about the ring, she will likely be more sentimental about the fact that she is able to pass it on to you.  I think that you are wise to go ahead and get married and keep your wedding simple rather than waiting for “the perfect time” in a stronger economy to get married. There is never “a perfect time” to get married, have a baby, start your own business, or anything else. You just do it, and resolve any problems as they come up.

I wish you the best, and please let us know how it goes! I’m sure my readers would like to hear.

- Miss A

Andrea Rodgers is a Dating & Relationship Expert for HealthCentral’s SexualHealthConnection.com. Email your questions to missa@askmissa.com or use our anonymous form.