Out of Control Child

Dear Miss A,

I have been in an on and off relationship with my boyfriend for four years. He has a 9 year old son that is disrespectful, spoiled, very selfish and afraid of everything. My boyfriend allows his son to watch gangster movies, and even involves him in adult conversation. One day his son showed me his cell phone pictures he has taken of himself with his toy gun in his mouth, and others with the gun pointed at his head. Immediately, I told his father which was pointless as he did nothing about it. He told his son to erase the picture, and that was it. 

I’m different I’m a single parent of a twenty year old, I raised my son to be respectable, giving and independent. My son turned out pretty good consider the fact that he didn’t have a father around. My biggest regret is letting my boyfriend live with me, he has his son on the weekends which I dread. I’m off on the weekends and hate being home because of him. I have no peace of mind at all, and I’m very unhappy.

My boyfriend is very giving and sweet, but he does have a vindictive side to him too. No one in my family likes my boyfriend or his son, they all say a can do a lot better. I’m forty and tired of dating because  it’s difficult, and that’s why I stay.

Miss A, I’d love to hear your advice for me.

Forty and Frustrated

Dear Forty and Frustrated,

I know it’s not easy dating in your late 30’s or 40’s. It seems like you’ve given up finding the right person for you because you’re tired of dating, and have settled for your current boyfriend. I’m guilty of the same thing, but I’ve settled for being alone rather than bother with dating. They say anything worth having is worth working for, so you and I should probably put some work into our respective personal lives.

It sounds as though your boyfriend isn’t as much of a problem as his son. It’s very important for couples to talk about their views on discipline and raising children before having a child together. Your situation is different, yet very common in today’s world. You and your boyfriend each have a child from another relationship. It’s evident that you have completely different views on how to raise a child. Although it’s your boyfriend’s responsibility to raise his son, if his son is spending every weekend in your house, then you should have a say in the matter. What your boyfriend is letting his son get away with now won’t be as cute when he gets a little older. Children actually want structure and discipline. They need to know you care enough about them to discipline them, and this is why kids who don’t get positive attention will act out in order to get negative attention.

You can’t go on like this. You should be able to relax and enjoy your days off work, and for you to actually not look forward to your days off says a lot! You need to get some one-on-one time with your boyfriend possibly after a nice dinner and bring up how you are feeling. Tell him you feel like he and his son are taking you for granted and not being respectful of your weekends. Maybe tell him that you need your weekends to rest, and that you’d rather not have his son in your home anymore. Tell him that he either needs to control his son, or perhaps he needs to find another place to live. It sounds like you do a great deal for your boyfriend and his son financially, and are the responsible one. They need to respect and appreciate you for this. You need to take back control for your life, home and well being. Think about what is best for you and your own son. I’m sure you have friends and family who will support you through this. Life is too short to be miserable, Honey!

I wish you the best! Let me know how this goes, ok?

- Miss A

Andrea Rodgers is a Dating & Relationship Expert for HealthCentral’s SexualHealthConnection.com. Email your questions to missa@askmissa.com or use our anonymous form.