dear miss a,
i’m currently living with my boyfriend of a year. i like him but i don’t think there’s a real future. the problem is, it’s going to be a messy break-up — i can’t move out before breaking up with him. if i break up with him and we’re living together, it’s just going to be an awful situation until i find another place. but i would feel totally slimey looking for a new place and making plans so that i could move out right after we broke up – being dishonest and hiding that from him seems wrong. i think he would feel that much worse knowing that i’d known for a month i was going to break up with him and that our last month together was a lie. advice?
moving on and moving out
Dear moving on and moving out,
What if you bring up the fact that you don’t see your relationship leading to a future together, and let him know how you feel. Once you have opened up to him, then I think you are fine to start looking for a new place to live. You aren’t breaking up just yet, but you are at least giving him a warning so that your break up won’t come as a complete shock. Also, this will give him an opportunity to communicate with you, and fight for you. Perhaps being honest and talking with him will improve your relationship, so that you won’t need to break up with him.
I do think it’s wise to have a place to go after you break up with him, so I do think you should start looking for a new place to live once you let it be known that you aren’t happy with the relationship. When you break up you need real closure, and shouldn’t see or communicate with the other person for several months to put some space between you. Your last month won’t be a lie, because you have told him how you feel.
Having seen some horrible break up’s, I advice you to take anything of value –financial or sentimental–to a trusted friend or family member’s home. The last thing you need to deal with is this guy holding on to or destroying something that means a lot to you when you break up with him. Some men hold on to things you treasure as a way to have a hold over you, and to be able to see you again, so please be sure to secure your valuables.
I wish you the best, and please let me know how things go!
– Miss A