Miss A Columnist

Andrea Rodgers is the Founder of Miss A (AskMissA.com), which covers the intersection of charity and lifestyle for 1.5 million unique readers annually. Based in Washington, DC, Miss A has a presence in 21 U.S. cities with 30 editors and hundreds of writer. Andrea was inspired after 9/11, and became heavily involved in Washington’s charity circuit in an effort to give back to the community. At the core of the Miss A brand is Andrea’s personal belief in the positive power of volunteering and charity — not only to benefit those less fortunate, but to improve the individual, business or brand that gives their time, money and energy to a cause. AskMissA.com serves as a technological platform which connects editors, writers and readers around this core belief and shines a spotlight on the best nonprofits, charity events, cause marketing campaigns and philanthropic & stylish people, businesses and brands to inspire others to get involved.

Andrea Rodgers is a member of the Vogue 100, a hand-selected group by Vogue magazine of 100 influential decision makers and opinion leaders across the country known for their distinctive taste in fashion & culture. She has been featured in Vogue, W and Allure, CNN, Fox News, NOS Dutch Public Broadcasting, TV Tokyo, France 24, Alhurra, USA Today, Washington Post & Politico.

Breaking Up Is Hard To Do

Sarah Jessica Parker’s character meeting the family in “The Family Stone”.

 

dear miss a,

i broke up with a boyfriend not so long ago. we dated for almost a year, and i became really close to his family. the break-up was friendly (though i’m devastated) and the family has reached out that they still care about me and want to continue a friendship with me. i genuinely like them and care about them and this isn’t just about holding onto them to stay closer to him. but i’m not sure if it’s wise. 

it’s hard enough ending a relationship because you lose your best friend, companion, the person you are when you’re with him, etc (like you said in your post the other day about the five things you lose — that was really good. i’ve never thought about it like that). it’s even harder when you lose shared friends that were his friends first but became your friends along the way. is it better to go cold turkey and say goodbye to everything in your life related to the person? does ending a relationship have to mean ending secondary friendships too?

thanks,

breaking up is hard to do

Dear breaking up is hard to do,

I hate to be the bearer of bad news, or difficult news, but yes, I think it’s best to give up everything related to the time you spent with this person. That means you need to let go of his friends and his family. Just as he needs to let go of your friends and family. Enjoying the company of his friends and family is a bonus of having this guy in your life. If you choose to rid yourself of him, you need to realize that also means giving up the good things you enjoyed with him – including his friends and family.

As much as his friends and family liked you, their priority is to see him happy. It will be hard for them to welcome a new woman into their circle if you are still lingering around. Don’t make things awkward for them. It’s not that they didn’t like you, or didn’t enjoy your company, but things have changed, and their loyalties lie with him.

As much as you would like to believe that you aren’t trying to hold “onto them to stay closer to him”, I think deep down that’s probably what’s going on. The family and friends may also be hanging on to you in hopes that this guy wakes up and sees that he made a mistake. But no matter how much they meddle, he has made a decision not to have you in his life.

I know this will be hard for you, and sounds like it will be hard for his family, but it’s the right thing to do. It will help you move on faster. It will be much harder for you to realize that it’s over if you’re still hanging out with his sister or his mother. It’s not fair to you. You need to be able to get some closure. Also, having these people in your life will be awkward once you start dating again….and you will!

Good luck! And let me know how things go.

– Miss A

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